Safe flirt as a way out of a trap
It doesn´t matter if you are fallen head over heels in love, studying hard and not interested in relationships or taking care of household, four kids included, and saying to everybody that you are living a dream – at some point, you won’t be able to take it any longer and you will go out, for a night hunt. It will be your decision, nobody will have to force you. Because without it, you will get mad. In the following text, we will show that this kind of occasional breakaway in natural and how it can be helped by another beneficial activity – flirting. Know how to „play“ outside and you won´t need to be bad at home!
Love. What´s going on with it? If you have strong feelings for someone, that part of your brain controlling the release of dopamine is activated abnormally. This brain part is sending high amount of dopamine to the nervous center of pleasure. And by the way, one dose is almost as high as the brain gets after the consumption of cocaine. It´s irony, that at the same time, the brain limits the amount of serotonin, lack of which causes depressions. Moreover, dopamine, same as cocaine, causes insomnia and loss of appetite too. Maybe that´s why our brain adds oxytocin as well, hormone lowering psychologic barriers and fears. That´s why we can be addicted to love the same as we can be on drugs. We are crazy about our lovers when we do not see him or her long enough and we can be even physically sick. It can be an amazing boost, but the body will break up sooner or later. So, how to reduce the love to certain limit but not lose it? How love can be switched over?
In the end, one will start to feel certain unrest, which can easily escalate to the feeling of flying into a rage, because you are not able to manage the intensity of a new relationship. You will burn out, no matter how amazing your children are, or you will resign on all your relationships as they are not satisfying you anyway. Our body gives us good advice all the time and this is not an exception. This will force you to go out and enjoy life! But no worries! It is possible to satisfy thirst after the change and stay immaculate at the same time. Higher self-confidence is just icing on the cake and it can be useful when you will be really looking for the new and right one! Let´s go!
Let´s take a look at the method as old as the world itself. The method of „sugar and a whip“ is the most effective of all hunting methods and it´s the same for keeping the relationship as well. However, too many girls and women did not master it so far (or do not even want to). The reasons are various.
First: Their mothers dis not master it as well and therefore, they could not pass the knowledge.
Second: They are mothers themselves and because of that, their life is reduced from „fun, sport, passionate sex, inspirative intellectual development or taking care of a husband and his penis“ to „taking care of children“.
Third: They´ve managed to capture him, why to try more?
Fourth: It´s too late for hunting.
Fifth: It´s under their level.
And last but not least…
Sixth: It´s not needed!
But is it really true? Try to answer this question truthfully: do you really feel the connection of you and your partner? Or do you just live one next to others, taking care of your children, being nice to each other? Do you talk about the most inner feelings with no one except your therapist? Does this sound familiar to you? And do you want to change it? Then it is necessary to wake up your sexuality again. It is still alive, only under the heap of duties. It´s necessary to open yourself, connect to your body, to feel force and energy once again and connect to other people with the same energy. Sleeping or not, you can wake them up! Go and meet them! Thanks to the once-again-found sexual energy (i.e. openness), you can talk about anything with your partner and go deeper, understand it better and ultimately connect with your partner on this level. Lead him and his soul to fearlessly pet with your own. Open more to each other. That´s it. Does it sound complicated? Too abstract? So, let´s take o look into the practical side of this coin.
The connection can be trained well with strangers as they do not any prejudices, it´s all empty pages between you two. If you do not want to leave out with 15 people for the seminar to the Cottage in the woods, try bar or club. And flirt! The only thing which really exists at that time is sexual energy, the way of how to connect to others. Thanks to sexual energy, we open ourselves and we are able to receive as well. But it can be hard not to be fooled or abused. Let´s take a look at safe flirting!
On contrary to men, hunting women usually do not want to devour their „victim“ completely underwear included. Women are ok with knowledge that the object of their interest CAN be seduced. They usually realize this during the few second look to the eyes of the second person. Music, wine, stage performance – all of this may and may not be great, but it´s this one moment during which women can realize if this evening was or was not wasted. Nevertheless, a few things are important:
Phase 1 – Get ready for action: not the best ideas
No matter what is the reason why you are going out, you probably do not want to be ignored or – even worse – intentionally overlooked. Your palms are sweating, your cheeks are turning red and you lower your eyes to the floor because of them, you deserve some attention! But if you choose bad, you will not get it!
A) Useless escort
If you will come with a group of giggling friends, you will hardly increase potential interest in you. Just arrogant machos or freaks will be probably only ones who will try to talk to you, and it´s of no real value. Most the men will choose „safety distance“. Be honest: do you know a man, who will enjoy the company of giggling girls? Of course, if you can go out with female friends who can exist and behave normally, it can be a morale boost for you. Nevertheless, it´s better to be mystery lonely woman than one of many hens on a pole.
Photo by Inga Seliverstova
B) All out?
Overdoing your provocative clothing – it´s true that elegantly and sexy clothed woman will draw more attention than one with jeans and hoodie, but it is generally valid that „less is more“ and you really want to capture and attention by your inner strength rather than by low-cut dress. It is the only way how to tune to the same frequency with him.
C) Drinking too much
If you will get drunk too fast, you will dull your senses, all of them, not only nervousness but also sensitivity, judgment, balance… Therefore, what may look like a real interest can be in fact hunt for easy prey and you won´t be able to recognize it. The erroneous feeling of togetherness can deadly as well. Is he really laughing with you? Isn´t he laughing at you? You can´t recognize it drunk. Drink carefully, if you choose wine, do not forget to water, you can choose beer or juice cocktails, but do not mix it!
D) Bird of prey
You seem hungry – a girl, alone, staying at the bar, nervously playing with glass, flitting her eyes right to left, up to down… Group of your friends won´t help the situation, it will only accent why you have them with you – because you do not want to look so desperately. Relax, focus on your breath, listen to the music, close your eyes, dance for a while, feel the moment like it is a movie and you can be in it, nobody will disturb you, you are in the movie… It´s similar to traveling – you do not automatically await someone to talk to you, you just feel the magic of sights, sea, life on the street… Do not focus on people around you, let them focus on you!
E) Ice queen
Close yourself in your perfection and you will be closed in impenetrable armor – this is not about you watching down from your throne. Should they shiver because you look at them for a moment? Hardly. You probably argue that men enjoy to conquer step by step, right? Yes, but you have to realize that there are many nice girls, not so much interesting guys and you do not have all week, time is running. We are not looking for the love of your life, we train the method of connection.
Photo by David Fagundes
If you are now saying to yourself that you understand well A to E and you are doing it, you understand the point of the connection, you are able to reach it, but then… it crashes somehow. Even this is a success! You are great, good job! Not everyone will get to this point. But the job is still not done!
Phase 2 – Whip in action
A) Neither error nor love story
It´s important to know when to stop flirting! Do not give the object of your testing a second of attention more than he gives to you. Sometimes, it can be one or to second and you know that „it“ is there. On other occasions, you need to confirm the feeling a few times and you can do it via right looks during the rest of the evening. Eyes are the gate to the soul and the fastest way of knowing the other person. But if you will get to the point when you will say „I have IT, but I want more!“, it´s precisely the moment when you should turn around and go home. Because if you will not, it will end either with error, or disappointment that he doesn´t want to give you more of „IT“. Both is the highway to hell. An error will disturb intimity of your primary relationship or – if you do not have a partner – you will satisfy the man who can potentially be interested in starting a relationship with you, but he will be discouraged to do it by the fact that you are a little bit cheap. And disappointment will destroy everything you tried to achieve by flirt – the wake of your sexuality, touching your limits and understanding of your own value.
B) Do not back off
You were great in previous phases – sexy guy watches you, but when he realizes that you will not continue, he chooses to act. Now, it´s the trial by fire, final level. Borders must be secured. He comes, addresses you, offers you a drink, asks for your name… You like it, really like it. But it is your ego, it has nothing to do with a real connection. Enjoy it, silently relish your victory. But be aware of your words, they can reveal your intentions. Such a smile and „Oh, you are so nice“ can thwart all the efforts. If you feel no ground under your feet, give him a thank and go home. Do not deal with „he was so nice, trying. I should reward him somehow, give him a hint that I like him as well and I would want him if…“ Easy: you do not owe him anything, it was not a provocation, it was a game and you both know the rules. No promises, no forcing… He will make it, he is a big guy…
Try to hold this new feeling as long as possible. It´s exciting by the way. I bet that when you will go to the bed with this feeling, you will feel the heat! And then – the storm will come. Do not force anything, but if you will test connecting to others as well and your heart will learn it, it will be easier to use it in relationships in which it maybe was, but is not anymore. That´s it – love button = connection.
That´s it for the topic of safe flirting by the sugar and whip method. If you are interested in using it in your relationships, write me about it.
In the end, one short scene from IT Crowd, in which one short and simple line summarizes everything above. Maybe it would be enough to say just that line… In short, IT Crowd is the British TV show about three cute people (Moss, Roy and Jen). They seem to be losers, but they never let anyone to shake their values, even if others look down on them. And they know why – because they are unique. They work altogether in the basement of a luxurious building in which hundreds of other employees in levels above know nothing about what is going on on way from the hand on the mouse and the computer socket. But Moss and Roy know, and Jen, as the only one, knows how unique they are.
Once, Jen is invited to a school reunion, it is a ball and she is shy to go as she does not have a partner and kids. Moss suggests that he will come with her and will play her partner. Jen hesitates but finally agrees. Everyone is enjoying the ball, but Jen is not talking much as she is nervous. However, Moss is talking for them both – he tells everyone that he is a tennis coach, they have two wonderful kids and he loves Jen so much. Jen´s schoolmates are amazed, and they want to know the secret – how was Jen able to keep such a great man as Moss looks to be. Moss answers:
„She is an angel with the kids and a prostitute in the bed.“ And you now know that it´s possible:-).
