Dating vs. Pandemic – Love in the Era of Corona
Lonely moments lasting for days and weeks can be rough, it´s only you and your hand. Who to cuddle up if there is nobody at home, maybe not even a pet? Where to find patient willow, comforting arms or welcoming lap? Other businesses may be collapsing but dating agencies and sites are booming. They are getting the daily rise of new users as high as 12 %. Dating sites changed massively in the last decade, they are no longer portals to find a one-night quickie. And now, things are moving faster. Global house arrest shot these sites to the top spots in popularity, along with food and medicinal drugs. Even convinced romantic dreamers have no other chance then create a profile. But how to choose wisely, not to burn yourself and not to be drowned in the ocean of chats? What are the most typical “not to do”?
Times when dating sites were the domain of sexual maniacs, perverts and losers are over. They are neither a midlife thing. The spectrum of users starts with teenagers (one-third of all US users), continues with degree holders and successful top managers, up to mothers of two or more. Overall, these sites mediate up to one-third of all lonely heart sections. It´s a little bit paradoxical, but restrictions connected to coronavirus work great as an icebreaker. It´s not necessary to think about the most suitable introduction. „How do you do in this crazy time?“ is perfect.
Openings are fine but slow down. Let´s explain how it works for those who are new in this. In short, it´s about creating a profile via Facebook or the page itself and setting filters so you can find the desired partner. Then, the „matching“ period is going on and you are waiting for likes. If you get some from your matches, you can ask further. So far, so good – and free. But if you like someone and you don´t have like, the money will have to replace it. In other words, like itself is not any guarantee that he/she likes you, maybe that person wants just a chat a doesn´t want to pay… That´s for the beginning and now, let´s take a closer look.
At first, the most complicated thing – your profile and rules of its creation:
It´s a bait that defines a fish that will grasp it. In other words, wild picture with a drink or in sexy top and pursed lips won´t attract any romantic person. A trustworthy but boring photo of yourself in a suit or with not-combed hair next to a garden bed of radish will not address any free-minded and adventurous spirit. It´s not important if that´s really you or not. If you think that picture is not important and even with the wrong picture you can attract a person who wants to explore and look for your true spirit, you are wrong. Do you think that you don´t take care of photos? Or do you think of yourself that you prefer naturalness: Bullshit! At the dating site, everyone will use profile picture as the first filter. Therefore, it will be about your grubby picture with reddish or boredom in a suit next to mysterious beauty with sunglasses and wind in her hair or relaxed guys in hats. Eyes and time are true rulers here! The first selection of fast and cruel as it chooses from tens or even hundreds of users. Do not underestimate the database.
But the true is, that more and more pairs meet this way. In 2000, it was less than 3 %, at the end of last year, ot was more than 20 %. And you can guess what´s the number now… It´s not about meeting losers or finding one-evening amusement. The majority of dating sites users are looking for a lifetime partner. And now, we are getting to the time parameter mentioned above. Users are usually parents or hard-working people who do not have a time to chat all day long. They will not explore of there is really something in grey suit-guy or a blonde too sweet, they will just click on the next page with plenty of more interesting faces. But of course, they may be looking exactly for grey suit-guy… Choose your profile picture wisely, carefully and truthfully. Make sure that it broadcasts the same you are looking for. Now, we can all make a nice photo with our cell phones, so, no excuses. And with a little bit of your body please, it´s not fair to offer a fatty surprise.
„About me“ section is also very important. During the second filtration, hardly anybody is interested if you love animals, sport, you are a manager or if you have this or that diploma on the wall. The time will come for all of this but wait. At this moment, less is more. Quality vs. quantity. You need to address, to rise above the crowd, and at the first moment. Let´s take a look on some examples from real chats:
„I´m freshly divorced, ambitious mother of two friendly kids. I like sport and I in the evening, I often huddle with a good book.
NO! How is it seen by a hunter? Freshly divorced = divorced for a long time. Ambitious = workaholic. She will compare her partner with herself. Friendly kids = she is probably introducing them to somebody quite often and it is evident that she is not very successful. I like sport = as she did not name any particular sport, it won´t be as hot as it seemed. And ignoring other negatives: do you know anyone who likes to read bad books?
„I´m just an ordinary guy who likes to laugh, BBQ and motorbikes…“
NO! Huntress will summarize: ordinary guy = if he writes it even here, he will be really ordinary. He likes to laugh = he will not také me seriously. BBQ = he likes to eat, drink and do nothing. Motorbikes = it will be his bike at first, only then it will be about me. In other words, he wants a partner that should amuse him, marinate meat and look that he is disappearing on the horizon… Only until the meat is done well, of course.
“I like exploring the world and except great experiences, I bring back recipes and spices with which I make magic in my kitchen. I´m passionate chili-eater, but I do not torture my guests with it…”
YES! The fish is on the hook: she likes to explore the world = she is looking for more than just spending money for a holiday on the beach. She makes magic in her kitchen = as she is not fat, it´s clear that she is sporting as well. Passionate chili-eater = it makes my mouth water, I want to see her cook, I want to eat her food. I do not torture my guests = she knows to be humble as well.
And the last one:
„I´m a hedonist, I like high heels and singing in the shower.“
YES! I know exactly what he wants. Hedonist = he wrote it as a first thing, so he is pleasure seeker in any circumstances. As a second thing, he wrote about high heels = he will be pervert. But with his mention about singing in the shower = hopelessly romantic pervert.
Can I buy a house?
So, it´s about clear and interesting expression of your substance, your opinions or your interests. But there is one another important thing – down to Earth. You can imagine it as buying a house or flat. You have to calculate how much you are able to pay and will take a look at actual prices. For many people, it´s pointless to look for a luxury downtown apartment… Use this way of thinking while matching with potential partners. No offense, I do not want to shrink anyone´s self-confidence, but if you are looking for a man/woman in his/her forties, without kids because you have your own, probability that you will find anybody who doesn´t want own kids but will like yours, is quite small. Or if you take our hedonist as an example: he is probably not the guy who wants just to show you his collection of butterflies. That´s why he wrote this on his profile – not to break hearts of romantic girls expecting a walk alongside the river with a passing kiss at the end of their eighth date.
Dick in his profile? No. Rather a book, please…
Just one word or comparison can separate success from fail and save time for both sides. Now I think about my friends, Zuzka and Jáchym who are now married and who met each other on a dating site. However, that site was not an ordinary one, it was sex.cz. They were looking for a lifetime partner, but this site has more than two million users and with this number, the chance for successful matching increases.
Zuzka created her profile and during a day, she had 450 answers. How did she sort them out? Easily, she eliminated all messages with a picture of dick in the profile. 24 remained, so she gave like to them and waited. Jáchym wrote her „It´s imperative that´s we should meet“
Dick in his profile? No. Rather a book, please…
Action and reaction
So we have a profile, filters, and matches. What now? There is always a chance that the profile is not authentic. That´s why a „control question“ should follow. It´s best to choose easy, but not completely ordinary questions connected to the actual situation, like „How do you cope with this house arrest?“ or „Thanks for your like, where are you writing from?“. Of course, you want to know more and get a feeling from unprepared answer. Cast the fishing line and wait how creative your opposite will be. Again, we will take a look at some real chats:
„How are you?“ „I´m fine“ – wrong question, wrong answer = doesn´t worth your time
„What are you doing right time?“ „I´m writing you an answer“ – Not very creative question but more or less funny answer = ask him/her to show more or choose more simple match.
„How are you dealing with the isolation?“ „My cat and wine help me.“ – nice return, question, and answer on the same level, likely match. It´s possible to whoop it up, but it´s important to watch over your authenticity and do not allow yourself to go into territory where you are not on the firm ground.
„When I did catch you?“ „I´m sharpening my teeth“ – this is clear smash after provocative question = an invitation to the wild game.
Hold your hats, we are running wild!
Who’s worth it?
It´s important to watch delays in answers. In the time of smart phones and omnipresent internet, it´s almost impossible „not to manage the answer the first reaction“ for more than a few hours. In that case, he/she is either just collecting likes and chat with too many people at once, or makes himself/herself more important, i.e. doesn´t really believe in his/her own value. Both cases are clear NO, don´t waste your energy and try it elsewhere.
First date: what he wants? And what does she want?
You´ve found your match (or more) and the first face-to-face meeting is here. Now, it´s about continuing in the same direction. Just be yourself! My personal survey among men shown me, that an unbelievable number of 95 % of women sleeps with them on a first or second date, moderate ones included. Let´s assume that not all of that 95 % of women is single at the moment. Not all of them are probably passionate to find non-binding sex or sex with diner. Why are they doing it? According to psychologists and relationship coaches, women want interesting men they will be able to keep – to seal the new relationship. But ladies – it doesn´t work. Do not show all of your sea fruit if you do not believe it. Dessert is better to eat little by little, not to gobble it up at once. There is no need to hurry.
The same rules work for gentlemen, boys, guys – our great machos. If you feel good in a bar or pub, do not invite her to the tearoom. If you are looking for physical contact, do not talk about children and vacation. Every girl like flower and diner (if it is handmade, it´s even better). How you defined and identified yourself defines what is sitting on the other side of the table. Match brings the catch and no show just go on! Don´t fret, it will be OK! 🙂