When did you desire an erotic toy for the first time and why?

„For the first time, it was at the beginning of my relationship with my ex-husband. In one cheerful moment, we´ve entered a sex-shop. It was both funny and exciting. “

What did you try?

„Small pink and curved vibrator was my first and we´ve had a lot of fun with it. However, it did not make it to the top of our list and after some time, it has been gathering dust. No earlier than after a few years, I was lured into the design toy by Anička Marešová – the Whoop·de·doo vibrator.“

Which one is the best and why?

„The Whoop·de·doo vibrator impressed me because it is really something special, great in every detail, and get to perfection. I went to the launch event, desired it for some time and with some help of my boyfriend, I´ve finally invited it to my bedroom. I know that I do not need anything else.“

What´s your opinion on toys in general?

„In fact, I´m not so enthusiastic about toys. My first experience was rather an impulsive decision, the second one was a sure pick for the rest of my life. I do not need more toys for experiments. But it can change…“

One or two funny stories?

„Not so funny, rather sexy. Some toys seem to be very lumpy to me. Contrary, my „friend“ is embodied elegance. Every time I reach out for it to a drawer, it creates a luxurious atmosphere. My boyfriend and other friends – both male and female – who experienced it can confirm it.

When did you desire an erotic toy for the first time and why?

„I was introduced by my former girlfriend, not my wife. But it was a very detailed introduction. Each visit of a sex shop led to several buys.“

What did you try?

„I´ve used dilatation sticks only a few times (but my former girlfriend had orgasms because of them :)). Also, the ordinary nipple clamps with a chain can bring nice refreshments. In the beginning, she liked to shop in a housewares shop and explore what can be used. What about a juicer? She brought tabasco sauce once, unfortunately, it was just for me. For herself, she bought a set of small rubber bands – it was much more interesting. Then the big electrical vibrator came – but she´s used it differently from what I was originally thinking. I think that I have some second-hand clothing in my cellar, with stuff for a role-play „medieval peasant and rape on a high seat. But compared to the rest of the box content, this looks quite innocent (LOL)!“

Which one is the best and why?

„At the moment, ropes and handcuffs, scarf… it´s the most flexible, easily usable and it can be used in many ways.“

What´s your opinion on toys in general?

„Who wants to play can´t be without them – these are toys for adults. And who doesn´t want to play – let him live without it. But I think that toys can add a dimension to adult games which are hard to reach without them.“

One or two funny stories?

„After some time, it was still harder to think where to store these things as you do not want to explain what it is to your kids or visits… We´ve bought a cabin size case with a lock which is now a permanent inhabitant of our bedroom as well as our companion during the trips. Sometimes, I think what I would be doing when one of my kids will want to take it for a trip…“

When did you desire an erotic toy for the first time and why?

„In fact, I was not actively desiring an erotic toy, vibrators or dildos was rather repelling to me because of the shape which was trying to be a precise copy of a penis, or because of the strange plastic material. Toys of the minimalistic design like whoop-de-doo were first to really catch my interest. But we´ve finally decided to buy a glass toy. I think that he was interested in it and that´s why he gave it to me (LOL). I like its shape, it is pleasant to hold it in hand and its thin end can be used for exploring of an anal area pleasures. That´s what my husband was thinking about. He has also said to me that he liked its shape which is not really penis-like.“

What did you try?

„I like floggers, whips, and ropes. We´ve bought floggers because we like this toy, it´s nice to see and it´s nice to touch it. The red color, suede leather – it smells nice, it can caress you and if you want, it can hurt (but not much).

Which one is the best and why?

“For me, winners are always toys which are beautiful, made with love for pleasure and those made of natural materials. These are toys that awake fantasy of my partner and myself.“

What´s your opinion on toys in general?

„Positive, but I think that in sex, it is even more important to evolve the fantasy, perceptiveness communication, and a little bit of secret… Toys can be a good spice or pleasant companions for those who do not have a partner at the moment.“

One or two funny stories?

„The first usage… but it´s not that funny My husband gave me a bondage seance with the professional as a gift. I loved it more than I´ve expected. I let myself to be bonded and hanged freely, upside down. I´ve always thought about it but I couldn´t imagine that I will really experience something like it. We´ve taken a lot of ropes to our home and I was really excited… But these ropes are in the wardrobe since that moment as my husband is not a fan of this handiwork (it needs a lot of skill). So he reads me erotic literature instead. It´s the best „toy“ for me. And don´t forget to hide your toys, because it can be really hard to explain its purpose to your kids…!“

When did you desire an erotic toy for the first time and why?

„I´ve met them when I get married. Why? As a good mountain climber, I´ve started with ropes :). However, my wife was complaining that these are too rough for her skin. Because of it, we changed ropes for ties. In fact, the first light of interest was kindled by our friend, who invited us to shibari show. We were both amazed.“

What did you try?

„We´ve opened Pandora´s box with those ropes. After that, we´ve tried whatever we found. Handcuffs, mouth gags, anal gems, nipple decorations, various dildos… I loved to buy this stuff, but I´ve never used or immediately refused some of these toys. Like silicon ring for the penis with stimulation of the clitoris. The ring twisted during its fixing and instead of pleasure, it was a feeling of sorrow.

Which one is the best and why?

„We do have a nice and big box full of toys, but for me, costumes are the most exciting. Whatever it is, just different from normal clothing or pajamas Garters, of course, but also laced lingerie, latex skirt… and most of all, it´s such a small red piece of fabric which covers only intimate parts by a hair’s breadth. I´ve bought it when we were watching Battlestar Galactica and I was looking for something, as much similar to those that No. 6 (my favorite character) was wearing. But we´ve ripped it apart (well, I have…) so now the ties lead the way.“

What´s your opinion on toys in general?

“Strongly positive. But with one remark – most often, they are so exciting that after a few moments, they are not needed”

One or two funny stories?

„I wanted to surprise my wife with a gift so I´ve ordered her nice gem with bluestone. Of course, I´ve ordered it with an address different from our home. But on the bank account statement, between shopping in Billa and bills for energy, there was „domestic payment analnisperky.cz (analgems.cz)“ I was thinking to which category I should put this payment – fun, relax or health and care for a body?“

When did you desire an erotic toy for the first time and why?

„Small banana with a small penis hidden under its skin was my first. I´ve bought it in the first sex shop which was opened in Rakovnik. We´ve goaded altogether with girls and each of us bought something.“

What did you try?

„The banana was my favorite, but it was overheating too often. It came to me as a substitution as I was not looking for toys when I had a partner. I still have it, but I´m not using it very often as my tissue inside is healed after life´s hardships. Sometimes I play with such a small silicone dwarf (LOL).“

Which one is the best and why?

„Most of all, I like a crystal penis which I´ve chosen as my lingam (Shiva Lingam = stone of protection and support. It comes from India, from the area of Namado river which is a feeder of the Ganga river). When I have porn-tastes, I put the silicone one on the edge, pod most often I use the lingam. I like ropes, but you need partner for this and I don´t have a suitable one. So I try these only within my job. Most of all, I like the leather ones :).“

One or two funny stories?

„I live alone but I don´t need a lot of toys, these are just a substitution for me. More often, I work with the body itself. I´ve also visited a seminar about the input of a crystal egg and its purifying power grabbed my attention.“

a last but not least

When did you desire an erotic toy for the first time and why?

„My desires connected to the usage of erotic toys are really ancient. I´ve always been looking for some overlap in sexuality. I´ve also always liked new things. In my relationships, I´ve always wanted to liven our sexual life up to not been imprisoned in the stereotype of 3-minute missionary action.“

What did you try?

„The more proper question is – what you didn´t try. And I can´t think of anything. Of course, you need a suitable partner who also likes to try new things. It´s not always the case. But if you have the right person next to you, it can result in the most beautiful symphony full of love. In any case, my experiences start with the arsenal of various vibrators and dildos of all possible sizes, shapes, or colors and functions. Then it was fruit, vegetables, handcuffs, chains, whips, ropes, masks, latex, catsuits, rings, dilatators, pumps, strapons, gels, clips, clamps, harnesses, plastics, foils, rubber, muzzles, cock rings, magic wands (not the Harry´s one, in this case, it´s a long vibrating dildo A/N), pinwheel rollers (I use something similar to cut the pattern into a dough, it´s a toothed wheel with a handle A/N) and ends with a pretty big fucking machine which can arrange a nice threesome.“

I admit that I had to google for a few of Frank´s toys. Strapon for example, it´s a leather harness for a lady with a hole for the dildo.

Which one is the best and why?

„It´s always a toy that both want and are in a mood for it. It´s about fantasy and permanent diversification. Nevertheless, after many experiments, my winner is a cubistick. With it, my relationship sexuality has a spiritual overlap. Because of its shape, it can satisfy both partners at once. Another of my favorites is the fucking machine. It can do the great foreplay after which all holes are ready for the next penetration and games.“

What´s your opinion on toys in general?

„Absolutely essential and fundamental thing. Without toys, my sexual life would be sad and unfilled.“

One or two funny stories?

„For example, I wanted to punish my partner because of cheating on me. We went to a hardware store when she had to buy four massive chains for me to hang her up at the ceiling. The salesman laughed at asked us „You have this for a cow, right?“ I´ve looked at him, to her, and replied: „How do you know?“

One of my lovers, when she´s found a bubble wrap at my home… she loved to wrap up herself into it and during the sex, bubbles were cracking. It was very funny.“

From the nakedness to the censorship and to the nudity again

Why did it happen that normally pictured nudity or even penetration became something forbidden, outrageous, daring? How is it possible that squirting was once normal skillfulness of women and we can find pictures of it on the ancient Rome frescoes but whole generations of our parents and grandparents knew nothing about it? How is it possible that on paintings or gold plated frames, there are breasts, often squeezed by a man´s hand, small and big penises, rape, two women altogether or bare vaginas and colored photography of these old items would be unacceptable today anywhere in the public area, in hotel or office? Nakedness is natural as well as sexual intercourse. Without these things, none of us would be here.

Hypocritical modesty

Christianity is responsible as it brought the promises of light and order to Europe tossed with wars. And with it, it brought strict restrictions and obedience demanded under the threat of death. But under the mask of modesty, lust and licentiousness were thriving. It took centuries until ordinary people have realized that the system is rotten. With progress in agriculture and the arrival of the 18th century industrial revolution, life was easier for the people. Now, it was not only about statute labor. People had time thinking about themselves, about the world. With the gradual easing of corsets as well as moral, also painters plucked up the courage. Even there were more of them, we will introduce a few of the most important of them.

We have all been created in Constance

The Origin of the World is controversial and very realistic paintings of French painter Gustav Courbet (1819-1877) from 1866, which aroused both the artistic community and police. The painting was forbidden for a long time. And the most acute question was: who’s that hairy pussy is? The most promising possibility that it was his 23 years old mistress (she was red) was refused. Recently, it was discovered that this world-famous crotch belonged to a mistress of one diplomat. French historian Claude Shopp read letters of Alexander Dumas and in one of them, he has found one mention connected to the famous painting and the ballet dancer Constance Queniaux. She had dark hair and most importantly – she was a mistress of Turkish diplomat Khalil-Bey.

It was Khalil-Bey who ordered the painting and put it into his private collection of erotic paintings. In subsequent years, „The Origin of the World” was traveling among several private collections until 1995, it was bought by Musée d’Orsay in Paris where it can be seen today. Even now, it is sometimes described as pornography – don´t try to use it as your FB profile picture.

Pioneer without pink glasses

„The 19th century pioneer“– as he was called – felt, that he is the one who will really change the world. He said: „I want to change the public taste and the way they watch art.“ He took pink glasses off the romanticism and painted people and things like they really look, human sexuality included. He beat the way for young artists, mainly impressionists like Édouard Manet. They adopted not only his „looking without pink glasses “, but the techniques of painting as well. Smooth contours, so common in his time, were replaced with visible strokes and plastic look of the painting.

Gustave Courbet

Klimt and his naked secession

World-famous Gustav Klimt was born in Vienna in 1862. Originally, he should become goldsmith and jeweler, same as his father and brothers, but he showed strong drawing talent, so he was sent to the school of decorative arts. At the age of 14, he passed entrance exams easily. A few years later, his works could be seen on arches in Karlovy Vary or walls and ceilings of Vienna´s University. In 1897, Klimt and other same-thinking artists organized an exhibition in which they wanted to introduce the new artistic movement – secession. From this time, the famous poster of Goddess Athena watching a fight between Minotaur and Theseus. Naked hero as a symbol of the new art is winning over the beast with bull´s head (in which some older artists found themselves).

At that time, the poster was considered scandalous. Today, it is considered to be the first protest of Austrian modernists. In the end, Klimt had to cover Theseus´ genitals with a leaf. He made concession to censorship and in return, censors didn´t care about Klimt´s critics who were complaining about the comparison of themselves with Minotaur.

Gustav Klimt | poster

Lolitas don´t have a chance

Brilliant Picasso

Old pervert

From soap to brush

Pants and cigarette in the corner of the mouth

Times when dating sites were the domain of sexual maniacs, perverts and losers are over. They are neither a midlife thing. The spectrum of users starts with teenagers (one-third of all US users), continues with degree holders and successful top managers, up to mothers of two or more. Overall, these sites mediate up to one-third of all lonely heart sections. It´s a little bit paradoxical, but restrictions connected to coronavirus work great as an icebreaker. It´s not necessary to think about the most suitable introduction. „How do you do in this crazy time?“ is perfect.

Openings are fine but slow down. Let´s explain how it works for those who are new in this. In short, it´s about creating a profile via Facebook or the page itself and setting filters so you can find the desired partner. Then, the „matching“ period is going on and you are waiting for likes. If you get some from your matches, you can ask further. So far, so good – and free. But if you like someone and you don´t have like, the money will have to replace it. In other words, like itself is not any guarantee that he/she likes you, maybe that person wants just a chat a doesn´t want to pay… That´s for the beginning and now, let´s take a closer look.

At first, the most complicated thing – your profile and rules of its creation:

First catch

It´s a bait that defines a fish that will grasp it. In other words, wild picture with a drink or in sexy top and pursed lips won´t attract any romantic person. A trustworthy but boring photo of yourself in a suit or with not-combed hair next to a garden bed of radish will not address any free-minded and adventurous spirit. It´s not important if that´s really you or not. If you think that picture is not important and even with the wrong picture you can attract a person who wants to explore and look for your true spirit, you are wrong. Do you think that you don´t take care of photos? Or do you think of yourself that you prefer naturalness: Bullshit! At the dating site, everyone will use profile picture as the first filter. Therefore, it will be about your grubby picture with reddish or boredom in a suit next to mysterious beauty with sunglasses and wind in her hair or relaxed guys in hats. Eyes and time are true rulers here! The first selection of fast and cruel as it chooses from tens or even hundreds of users. Do not underestimate the database.

But the true is, that more and more pairs meet this way. In 2000, it was less than 3 %, at the end of last year, ot was more than 20 %. And you can guess what´s the number now… It´s not about meeting losers or finding one-evening amusement. The majority of dating sites users are looking for a lifetime partner. And now, we are getting to the time parameter mentioned above. Users are usually parents or hard-working people who do not have a time to chat all day long. They will not explore of there is really something in grey suit-guy or a blonde too sweet, they will just click on the next page with plenty of more interesting faces. But of course, they may be looking exactly for grey suit-guy… Choose your profile picture wisely, carefully and truthfully. Make sure that it broadcasts the same you are looking for. Now, we can all make a nice photo with our cell phones, so, no excuses. And with a little bit of your body please, it´s not fair to offer a fatty surprise.

Second catch

„About me“ section is also very important. During the second filtration, hardly anybody is interested if you love animals, sport, you are a manager or if you have this or that diploma on the wall. The time will come for all of this but wait. At this moment, less is more. Quality vs. quantity. You need to address, to rise above the crowd, and at the first moment. Let´s take a look on some examples from real chats:

„I´m freshly divorced, ambitious mother of two friendly kids. I like sport and I in the evening, I often huddle with a good book.

NO! How is it seen by a hunter? Freshly divorced = divorced for a long time. Ambitious = workaholic. She will compare her partner with herself. Friendly kids = she is probably introducing them to somebody quite often and it is evident that she is not very successful. I like sport = as she did not name any particular sport, it won´t be as hot as it seemed. And ignoring other negatives: do you know anyone who likes to read bad books?

Another one:

„I´m just an ordinary guy who likes to laugh, BBQ and motorbikes…“

NO! Huntress will summarize: ordinary guy = if he writes it even here, he will be really ordinary. He likes to laugh = he will not také me seriously. BBQ = he likes to eat, drink and do nothing. Motorbikes = it will be his bike at first, only then it will be about me. In other words, he wants a partner that should amuse him, marinate meat and look that he is disappearing on the horizon… Only until the meat is done well, of course.

Another example:

“I like exploring the world and except great experiences, I bring back recipes and spices with which I make magic in my kitchen. I´m passionate chili-eater, but I do not torture my guests with it…”

YES! The fish is on the hook: she likes to explore the world = she is looking for more than just spending money for a holiday on the beach. She makes magic in her kitchen = as she is not fat, it´s clear that she is sporting as well. Passionate chili-eater = it makes my mouth water, I want to see her cook, I want to eat her food. I do not torture my guests = she knows to be humble as well.

And the last one:

„I´m a hedonist, I like high heels and singing in the shower.“

YES! I know exactly what he wants. Hedonist = he wrote it as a first thing, so he is pleasure seeker in any circumstances. As a second thing, he wrote about high heels = he will be pervert. But with his mention about singing in the shower = hopelessly romantic pervert.

Can I buy a house?

So, it´s about clear and interesting expression of your substance, your opinions or your interests. But there is one another important thing  – down to Earth. You can imagine it as buying a house or flat. You have to calculate how much you are able to pay and will take a look at actual prices. For many people, it´s pointless to look for a luxury downtown apartment… Use this way of thinking while matching with potential partners. No offense, I do not want to shrink anyone´s self-confidence, but if you are looking for a man/woman in his/her forties, without kids because you have your own, probability that you will find anybody who doesn´t want own kids but will like yours, is quite small. Or if you take our hedonist as an example: he is probably not the guy who wants just to show you his collection of butterflies. That´s why he wrote this on his profile – not to break hearts of romantic girls expecting a walk alongside the river with a passing kiss at the end of their eighth date.

Dick in his profile? No. Rather a book, please…

Just one word or comparison can separate success from fail and save time for both sides. Now I think about my friends, Zuzka and Jáchym who are now married and who met each other on a dating site. However, that site was not an ordinary one, it was sex.cz. They were looking for a lifetime partner, but this site has more than two million users and with this number, the chance for successful matching increases.

Zuzka created her profile and during a day, she had 450 answers. How did she sort them out? Easily, she eliminated all messages with a picture of dick in the profile. 24 remained, so she gave like to them and waited. Jáchym wrote her „It´s imperative that´s we should meet“

Dick in his profile? No. Rather a book, please…

Action and reaction

So we have a profile, filters, and matches. What now? There is always a chance that the profile is not authentic. That´s why a „control question“ should follow. It´s best to choose easy, but not completely ordinary questions connected to the actual situation, like „How do you cope with this house arrest?“ or „Thanks for your like, where are you writing from?“. Of course, you want to know more and get a feeling from unprepared answer. Cast the fishing line and wait how creative your opposite will be. Again, we will take a look at some real chats:

„How are you?“ „I´m fine“ – wrong question, wrong answer = doesn´t worth your time

„What are you doing right time?“ „I´m writing you an answer“ – Not very creative question but more or less funny answer = ask him/her to show more or choose more simple match.

„How are you dealing with the isolation?“ „My cat and wine help me.“ – nice return, question, and answer on the same level, likely match. It´s possible to whoop it up, but it´s important to watch over your authenticity and do not allow yourself to go into territory where you are not on the firm ground.

„When I did catch you?“ „I´m sharpening my teeth“ – this is clear smash after provocative question = an invitation to the wild game.

Hold your hats, we are running wild!

Who’s worth it?

First date: what he wants? And what does she want?

The same rules work for gentlemen, boys, guys – our great machos. If you feel good in a bar or pub, do not invite her to the tearoom. If you are looking for physical contact, do not talk about children and vacation. Every girl like flower and diner (if it is handmade, it´s even better). How you defined and identified yourself defines what is sitting on the other side of the table. Match brings the catch and no show just go on! Don´t fret, it will be OK!

While erotic and porn magazines were experiencing a real boom, sex in the movies was still rare. On one side, it was caused by actors and actresses who were reluctant to do something such superficial and most likely compromising. But hesitating directors played the role as well. It´s one thing to publish magazines with pair having sex – no one cares who made it, people just wanted to be home on their sofa and masturbate. Even a book can be published under a pen name and no one except the publisher (sometimes not even him) will know the author of the text. But this is not the case for a movie! We can hardly imagine having a movie poster or a video cassette case without the second most important information about it – the name of an author. Who would represent it on a red carpet? Therefore, no one was brave enough to risk so much. In other fields of art, any vulgar piece of work (book, photography…) is usually seen by a few people and then it is forgotten. But movies have far more reach and almost immediately, it is everywhere, along with the name of its author. That´s why directors were adding little by little and monitoring others.

Sexy or Troubled?

Some movies considered to be pioneers of the eroticism in the industry are not very interesting from my point of view. For example, Salo, or The 120 Days of Sodom by P.P.Pasolini can be described in many ways, but „sexy“ is not one of those and I would rather forget it completely. Or Richard Linklater´s Before Sunrise – I would put it in the same category as Eat, Pray, Love, there is not much sex in it… It is more about talking and getting know each other. Its content is interesting and the form is imaginative, but it´s not about breaking taboos. Julie Delpy without her bra is the max in this movie. The Graduate by Mike Nichols from 1967 is more or less the same for me. Mrs. Robinson is very charming definitely, but I´m not a big fan of Dustin Hoffman. Also, I want to judge only those movies I´ve seen myself. Because of that, I´ve picked movies that influenced me personally and I´m able to see them again and again without paying attention to critics score.

A Little Girl on an R-rated movie

Let´s travel back in time to 1989. We are in a mountain resort and a small, 9 years old girl is in the room. She is ill so she can´t go skiing, playing or dancing with other kids so she is bored. She feels better because of the medicine, parents are not there so she goes out of her room and sneaks to the cinema. It´s quite late, she is there illegally, and she is surprised (but just a little) by nudity on the screen. It´s Polish movie Sexmission in which two volunteers are frozen but by a mistake, they woke up much later than expected – in a women-only world.

Sexmise

One Butt and Two Cubs

In a third grade, our girl found a friend. Her friend was a very naughty girl and it was this friend who shown our girl a porn movie for the first time. It was a black and white movie on a cassette of her parents – very decent, otherwise. They played it again and again and then, they wanted to find another movie so exciting that causes so pleasant feelings down there. They have found super famous Dirty Dancing by Emile Ardolino and they were endlessly watching the scene in which Patrick Swayze – in the morning after first sex with Jennifer Grey (Have you seen her in any other movie? I have not…) – stands up and you can see his butt. Girls were laughing and trying to dance „the dirty dancing“ as in the movie, just in their panties and undershirts, singing Be my Baby by The Ronettes.

Dirty Dancing

Humiliation Among the Slaves

The other two movies with significant influence are usually ignored by the lists of important movies. And most people do not connect them with erotica at all as there is not much of it. Well, it depends. First of these movies gave me the first impulse, the small fire which never died. In fact, it went up in the flames in full power two decades later (see BDSM Techniques of Pleasure). At first, it was Bernard Borderie´s Angélique, but not the first one – not the famous scene with her wet breasts during hanky-panky with Nicolas by the river. I have in mind „Angelique and the Sultan“ movie. Angélique is kidnapped by pirates and put her to lower decks where the worst ragtag is. Loathsome, nasty gang of men in fetters and shackles try to reach her and grab her… It was not about the dirt, but rather about the helplessness. And then there was that scene at the slave market. She has to show everything (to the buyers, not to the viewers). I didn´t care that her breasts could not be seen. Her scared look and displeasure woke up my fantasies – what will the buyer who will pay the big price for her do with her after he brings her to his home? I´ve dreamed that I´m her. At first, other slavegirls will wash me, dress me and adorn me with expensive jewelry, perfume me… and then I will have to patiently wait for the arrival of my new ruler. I envy her. Of course, I did not understand very well what the save market really is about at that time…

Angelique

Perverse and Guilty for the First Time

I´ve felt guilt for the first time when I´ve seen the rape scene in Two Women by Vittorio de Sica. I knew that it is a bad thing – a rape. The situation was not glamorized by jewels or veils. The soldier simply knocked Sophia Loren down to the dirty floor, and that was it. And her crying daughter… But I could not help myself. I liked handsome soldiers as I have a soft spot for southern types with worked-out bodies. I even had a notional proposal for Sophia: what about enjoying it rather than dull resignation? The painful and desperate situation for her, exciting fantasy for me. I did not tell anyone about my fantasies, not even my naughty friend. Rather than that, I was hoping that it was something nobody can see, it will surely disappear, and my mom and dad will love me the same. However, I can see today that both movies indicated clearly the direction my sexual life will move on.

Up to this moment, movies I´ve seen were using only indications of eroticism colored and multiplied by my fantasy. The first director who played it hard was Paul Verhoeven with his Basic Instinct.

Horalka, Sofia Loren

Courage Prevails

First movie penis

Real Fuck is the Real love as Well

I´ve seen Love recently although Noé made this movie few years ago. It hit me strongly and I still draw an energy from it. But I´m curious what will surprise me next time (do you have any tip, my dear reader?) and I cross my fingers for all brave directors and filmmakers.

At first, let´s find out if this trip is suitable for you, let´s find what is this all about. BDSM is the abbreviation of Bondage Discipline Sadism and Masochism – specific erotic plays. It is a compilation of abbreviations B&D (Bondage and Discipline), D&S (Dominance and Submission), a S&M (Sadism and Masochism). In other words, do you play at home (or in your mind) games with your partner in which one commands in sex and the other one is subordinate? Do you find it exciting to have power over someone, including few slaps here and there? If so, we will be compatible.

Hitchhiker rudely fucked

If you did not stop reading so far, you are probably interested. It doesn´t matter if you have zero experience, let´s begin! That´s what we did with my partner (today, he is my husband). It was innocent sunny afternoon when we were talking about the porn and what excites us most. I confessed that for me, the most exciting was the story of a hitchhiker. I can still see how she holds the car window by which the driver immobilized her when she put her head inside the car to talk to him. He got out the car, walked around it and then, he just fucked her rudely. Of course, it was a porn, so she was not protesting much, but I had mixed feelings because of my wet panties. Excitement mixed with shame and nuisance of myself. It was violence, crime! It was the first time I told someone about my feelings, and I did it because I had a full confidence in him. I turned red but I told him everything about it and he cheerfully suggested – let´s roleplay!

We were on the same starting position, neither he was doing anything out of the box of classic sex before. He was cheery, I acted carefully, and I was hesitating. We were not on a trip anywhere but is was more than enough when he tied my hands and I felt excitement unknown so far and stronger that anything I´ve felt before, except the orgasm. It was interesting to feel the harmony of our arousal. After the very first tightening of a tie, all has changed, his cheer and my acted dissent were substituted with his suddenly hard eyes and movements fully concentrated to the tightening of the tie. My own movements were more and more sporadic and more and more I was immersing to my role of a victim. Immobility and weakness brought me to the new heights of excitement felt never before. I was able to see his hellish concentration, fast breathing and I have felt him, hard as a rock, on my panties. When he grabbed me by my neck, in a second it was all over before the action really started. We were both surprised how fast it was, but it was clear that this is the point of no return and we both want to explore this new world.

BDSM practices experience of others in my surroundings

Alex (43), Design engineer

„When I was 25, one girl surprised me with strap-on. It was nice. Until then, I have never experienced anything like it – except my experiment at the age of 15 when I was trying to suck myself (it almost worked!). I´m not dominant but switch. I don´t want to fight with it, I like the game, enjoying both roles, exploring boundaries. I´m not excited by someone else watching me. But my girlfriend was enjoying having sex with a man other than her boyfriend – he could only watch. Sometimes, it´s needed for one to climax… Fortunately, she didn´t want me to do play the same „just watching“ game. Human brain is strange, sometimes, when you think of something extreme in sex, it can frighten you but sometimes, when something changes, it can warm you up, and the other way around.

Kristýna (38), Journalist

„When I was in college, once I´ve found myself in an intimate situation with two unknown men. It was wild, dangerous, bold and even I was fighting the feeling that I should be ashamed; it was very exciting, and I felt almost proud that I´ve experienced something unique. I was enriched with other layer of life.“

Kristýna

Real experiments were shown to me by my friend. At that time, I had both partner and my first child. I´ve felt that I need to relax and exit the stereotype of a family life. I´ve also wanted to feel like a woman rather than just a mother – desired and wanted. I´ve started to understand sex more in a connection with my psychic shape, physically as well as mentally. How to be creative, how to play with a body, with feelings, relations… I´ve shifted the sex into the spiritual plane.

„I´ve felt great, relaxed, rested, just great… My feelings were different and mysterious. And for our relationship, this was such a great boost! It was like falling in love once again. That´s why I´ve started to talk about our „different behavior“ with other people. Carefully, in hints at first. In fact, I was proud that I´m doing something special and unique, something others don´t even know. I wanted to show them off. I´ve also felt disdain for those who condemn these things while they do not know a thing about it.“

If you are not able to find relaxation and freedom in running, creativity or planting the trees, maybe such a play in the dungeon will help!

Alex

„I´ve paid 3 hours in the dungeon in Zdiby for us, but we have stayed for 5 hours. We played a policewoman and an immigrant. She was perverse and she was enjoying torturing her prisoner. But then came the moment when I stole her gun and our roles reversed. Now, I was the cruel one. The uninventive sex with the girl, even if she is pretty, means that it is without energy. But tan you meet someone you are hard from in a moment you look at her. I´m hard immediately as I embrace my girlfriend. Proximity, sexual energy, and dynamics are very important. It would be strange for me to play this with someone unknown. Without sexual energy, I usually quit early. With someone, I want to watch the TV, with someone, I want to have perverse sex, that´s how it is…”

Kristýna

„First of all, I´ve found that physical pain is unbelievably liberating. It´s like it cleans the body and washing up all the worries. I like the blunt pain as well as the sharp one, caused by the whip. I like as it is slowly spilling over my body. It can be compared to orgasm. And orgasm is liberating all the time, right? It helped me to find myself and to define my borders, which is also very useful.“

During the mutual exploration of sexual depths, there is also figuring out of any mental and emotional differences in a relationship. It´s important to count with it and accept the changes without an aggression or shame. In this world, you never know what comes of this or that until you try. Here, it´s not about brain. For example, the brain would never accept cheating as a healing process. But let´s save this for the next time.

Love. What´s going on with it? If you have strong feelings for someone, that part of your brain controlling the release of dopamine is activated abnormally. This brain part is sending high amount of dopamine to the nervous center of pleasure. And by the way, one dose is almost as high as the brain gets after the consumption of cocaine. It´s irony, that at the same time, the brain limits the amount of serotonin, lack of which causes depressions. Moreover, dopamine, same as cocaine, causes insomnia and loss of appetite too. Maybe that´s why our brain adds oxytocin as well, hormone lowering psychologic barriers and fears. That´s why we can be addicted to love the same as we can be on drugs. We are crazy about our lovers when we do not see him or her long enough and we can be even physically sick. It can be an amazing boost, but the body will break up sooner or later. So, how to reduce the love to certain limit but not lose it? How love can be switched over?

Phase 1 – Get ready for action: not the best ideas

No matter what is the reason why you are going out, you probably do not want to be ignored or – even worse – intentionally overlooked. Your palms are sweating, your cheeks are turning red and you lower your eyes to the floor because of them, you deserve some attention! But if you choose bad, you will not get it!

A) Useless escort

If you will come with a group of giggling friends, you will hardly increase potential interest in you. Just arrogant machos or freaks will be probably only ones who will try to talk to you, and it´s of no real value. Most the men will choose „safety distance“. Be honest: do you know a man, who will enjoy the company of giggling girls? Of course, if you can go out with female friends who can exist and behave normally, it can be a morale boost for you. Nevertheless, it´s better to be mystery lonely woman than one of many hens on a pole.

Photo by Inga Seliverstova

B) All out?

Overdoing your provocative clothing – it´s true that elegantly and sexy clothed woman will draw more attention than one with jeans and hoodie, but it is generally valid that „less is more“ and you really want to capture and attention by your inner strength rather than by low-cut dress. It is the only way how to tune to the same frequency with him.

C) Drinking too much

If you will get drunk too fast, you will dull your senses, all of them, not only nervousness but also sensitivity, judgment, balance… Therefore, what may look like a real interest can be in fact hunt for easy prey and you won´t be able to recognize it. The erroneous feeling of togetherness can deadly as well. Is he really laughing with you? Isn´t he laughing at you? You can´t recognize it drunk. Drink carefully, if you choose wine, do not forget to water, you can choose beer or juice cocktails, but do not mix it!

D) Bird of prey

You seem hungry – a girl, alone, staying at the bar, nervously playing with glass, flitting her eyes right to left, up to down… Group of your friends won´t help the situation, it will only accent why you have them with you – because you do not want to look so desperately. Relax, focus on your breath, listen to the music, close your eyes, dance for a while, feel the moment like it is a movie and you can be in it, nobody will disturb you, you are in the movie… It´s similar to traveling – you do not automatically await someone to talk to you, you just feel the magic of sights, sea, life on the street… Do not focus on people around you, let them focus on you!

E)  Ice queen

Close yourself in your perfection and you will be closed in impenetrable armor – this is not about you watching down from your throne. Should they shiver because you look at them for a moment? Hardly. You probably argue that men enjoy to conquer step by step, right? Yes, but you have to realize that there are many nice girls, not so much interesting guys and you do not have all week, time is running. We are not looking for the love of your life, we train the method of connection.

Photo by David Fagundes

If you are now saying to yourself that you understand well A to E and you are doing it, you understand the point of the connection, you are able to reach it, but then… it crashes somehow. Even this is a success! You are great, good job! Not everyone will get to this point. But the job is still not done!

Phase 2 – Whip in action

A) Neither error nor love story

It´s important to know when to stop flirting! Do not give the object of your testing a second of attention more than he gives to you. Sometimes, it can be one or to second and you know that „it“ is there. On other occasions, you need to confirm the feeling a few times and you can do it via right looks during the rest of the evening. Eyes are the gate to the soul and the fastest way of knowing the other person. But if you will get to the point when you will say „I have IT, but I want more!“, it´s precisely the moment when you should turn around and go home. Because if you will not, it will end either with error, or disappointment that he doesn´t want to give you more of „IT“. Both is the highway to hell. An error will disturb intimity of your primary relationship or – if you do not have a partner – you will satisfy the man who can potentially be interested in starting a relationship with you, but he will be discouraged to do it by the fact that you are a little bit cheap. And disappointment will destroy everything you tried to achieve by flirt – the wake of your sexuality, touching your limits and understanding of your own value.

B) Do not back off

You were great in previous phases – sexy guy watches you, but when he realizes that you will not continue, he chooses to act. Now, it´s the trial by fire, final level. Borders must be secured. He comes, addresses you, offers you a drink, asks for your name… You like it, really like it. But it is your ego, it has nothing to do with a real connection. Enjoy it, silently relish your victory. But be aware of your words, they can reveal your intentions. Such a smile and „Oh, you are so nice“ can thwart all the efforts. If you feel no ground under your feet, give him a thank and go home. Do not deal with „he was so nice, trying. I should reward him somehow, give him a hint that I like him as well and I would want him if…“ Easy: you do not owe him anything, it was not a provocation, it was a game and you both know the rules. No promises, no forcing… He will make it, he is a big guy…

Try to hold this new feeling as long as possible. It´s exciting by the way. I bet that when you will go to the bed with this feeling, you will feel the heat! And then – the storm will come. Do not force anything, but if you will test connecting to others as well and your heart will learn it, it will be easier to use it in relationships in which it maybe was, but is not anymore. That´s it – love button = connection.

That´s it for the topic of safe flirting by the sugar and whip method. If you are interested in using it in your relationships, write me about it.

In the end, one short scene from IT Crowd, in which one short and simple line summarizes everything above. Maybe it would be enough to say just that line… In short, IT Crowd is the British TV show about three cute people (Moss, Roy and Jen). They seem to be losers, but they never let anyone to shake their values, even if others look down on them. And they know why – because they are unique. They work altogether in the basement of a luxurious building in which hundreds of other employees in levels above know nothing about what is going on on way from the hand on the mouse and the computer socket. But Moss and Roy know, and Jen, as the only one, knows how unique they are.

Once, Jen is invited to a school reunion, it is a ball and she is shy to go as she does not have a partner and kids. Moss suggests that he will come with her and will play her partner. Jen hesitates but finally agrees. Everyone is enjoying the ball, but Jen is not talking much as she is nervous. However, Moss is talking for them both – he tells everyone that he is a tennis coach, they have two wonderful kids and he loves Jen so much. Jen´s schoolmates are amazed, and they want to know the secret – how was Jen able to keep such a great man as Moss looks to be. Moss answers:

„She is an angel with the kids and a prostitute in the bed.“ And you now know that it´s possible:-).

OK, one after another. It´s not important how big your organ is, this method – originated in the tantric teachings – is suitable for everyone, for “small figurines” too. And the same is valid for women. Most of men think that only a rough action will satisfy their partner. But ladies know better. It´s not a typical woman´s dream to experience sex like in a typical movie scene. It´s script is always the same: the first sexual contact of main characters usually contains blouse ripping, pinning woman against the wall, passionate kissing of her cheeks and jaw… all in 5 seconds. Then she is bend over the table or thrown on the floor. As a highlight, he makes few frantic thrusts, and both happily roll aside. Satisfied, of course… In fact, in such a short time, she is not able even to get wet, much less to reach climax. If you see this in the movie, you can be sure that the director is male.

Method of soft penetration is also suitable as the therapy of various sexual dysfunctions. For men, it can be problems with erection or premature ejaculation. For women, this method can help with increasing the sensitivity of their genitalia as so-called frigidity may not be congenital, but caused for example by experienced trauma. Problems like this have two things in common: first of them is time, more precisely it´s shortage. It´s true, we do not have enough time, even for sex. You´ve been there too, right? „“I´m so tired from work honey.“ „It´s been really hard day with children.“ or „Let´s make it quick, I need to catch that show in TV“ etc. We are not able to focus RIGHT NOW. There is still something else, something more important. And if you add another factor – stress – the problem is born. Problems like this can have origin in our psyche. For full and intense enjoyment of sex, it is needed to be in strong connection with every part of the body. Do not think of emails or full laundry basket. If you are not here just because of experimenting but problems mentioned above are reality for you, several options are on the table. At first, you can do nothing and make the problem much worse or spend weeks and months on the sofa in your therapist´s office, or to try something new.

So, what´s this method of soft penetration all about? It´s about insertion of penis to vagina without its erection. Yes, we can hear your protests – It´s not possible! Nobody has ever heard of it! But it was heard and tried by dozens and hundreds of pairs (maybe even threesomes), who decided to work on their relationships and to try new tantric techniques. In case there is an objection that tantra is all about se – yes and no. For tantra followers, sexuality is sacred, but within the general conception of life. Nevertheless, sex = life. You will probably agree, without sex, we would not exist, right?

Tantrism (or tantra) was born in India, more than 15 centuries ago. But to us, it has arrived just recently, during last century. It´s not only about sexual rituals, above all, tantra works with meditation and targets problems in communication caused by everyday, long-standing life together. Tantra refuses dogmas and its ultimate goal is to achieve real wake-up, both mental and physical.

1. Romance

Get ready and prepare romantic evening/morning/midday, as you wish. It means you have to reserve few hours of your time. Two hours are absolute minimum. Switch off phones, lower lights, light candles, fill up your bath, set off calm, romantic music (be sure that it won´t stop in the middle of the „process“), prepare good food, some drinks (but alcohol is not recommended) etc. Also, there should not be cold in the room.

2. Undressing

Undress yourself and your partner. It can be arranged for example as a short striptease.

3. Stroking phase

It´s not about mindless or seductive stroking, it´s about relaxation, loosening touches. It´s important to have warm hands. If they are cold, it´s enough to rub hand against hand for a while. Do not use massage oils, with them, touches are too intensive and will lead to erotic hype which is too strong. And it´s not our goal. Now, we are getting to the most important point: DO NOT TOUCH THE MOST SENSITIVE AREAS. The most sensitive is not always the same as penis, nipples or clitoris. For some people, earlobes, butt or scruff are as sensitive as more typical areas. Shortly, erogenous zones are taboo at this phase. Stroke other areas as softly as we can, at least 30 minutes. Neither 10 nor 15, 30 at least. Switch your brain to the mode „I´m doing this for myself, not because of any „method of operation“. It should be time full of love, you can stop, allow yourself a luxury of feeling the sensation of „now and here“. It´s better not to talk, just maneuver your partner out of excessive excitement.

4. Final penetration

Finally – the penetration itself. If stroking causes an erection of man´s penis, stop until the erection disappear. But do not think on taxes, it´s too far. Rather than that, try to remember some nice and tender common moments. Four times breathing in, four times breathing out, have a bite of something tasty etc. When all is calm again, start with so-called spooning – cuddling of two spoons. Man lays behind woman, both are on their sides. Woman opens her legs apart a little bit (ben done leg or puts a pillow between her knees) giving her partner access to her vagina. Then he takes soft penis to his hand and gently puts its end to the vagina as deep as possible. Carefully, with focus on penis staying in vagina, both nestle down in the spooning position. Now comes the hardest part of the whole process – do nothing, just breathing and waiting. Longer is better. Don´t forget that you are doing this for yourself.

During the waiting, man can try to insert penis deeper into vagina – slowly, with his hand. But what are you waiting for? For the full erection of the penis! After that, it´s usually impossible to wait a second longer, so let´s do it! But slowly, do not try to roleplay the Duracell rabbit or a dog meeting bitch on heat. Rather than that, enjoy every second of it, feel every centimetre of the insertion, after all – he deserves it!

Usually, woman is so aroused even before the first movement, that often she is not able to say when an orgasm came. It´s not about ten to fifteen seconds, including the onset, but completely new type of extasy felt from the first moment to partners climax, sometimes even after that. There is no particular goal, it´s not necessary to last 45 minutes, or 30… The method is given, just do everything that should be done and then you should say YES, WE´VE DONE IT!

Life is a challenge. When doing this again, try to prolong the time in the spooning position as much as you can. Experts of this method can reach orgasms without any movement. They say, they don´t need them. Well, try it…